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Battling Hopelessness

I remember watching the movement of the nursing staff, everyone was moving so fast. They started by soaking towels to wrap my baby up to cool her small and fragile body down. They gave her medicine, stuck her to start an IV for fluids, it was all happening so fast as I sat there as any mom would in total desperation for answers but feeling so helpless. My helplessness turned into hopelessness, I didn't know how I could possibly feel in control, or be able to "fix" this one. I literally could only do one thing, sit and wait and rely on the expertise of the staff who were trained to do this day in and day out to give me the answers I was seeking. Being in a moment like this shook me to my core. It was though I felt like I was watching a movie in slow motion across my screen but yet I couldn't find myself to scream or cry out for help. The last few days of fighting off, what seemed like allergies, or maybe a cold, eventually was pneumonia and there was fluid in her lungs, we were being transferred by ambulance to Children's hospital where she would stay for a few days. I felt defeated like I was right where helplessness and hopelessness crossed paths and I was stuck in the middle.

It was in that moment that I felt "giving up" stir up and God met me there. I was right where He, wanted me to be. Relying on Him for his strength right at that crossroad for answers, for peace, for comfort, for healing. I felt as though a mountain of days of exhaustion had shadowed me as I battled with the inability to make my baby feel better. You see I wonder as we wrestle with the difficulties and trials of life, how our Heavenly father feels? Does He hurt for us? You bet He does. He shares in our pain and our sorrows, he celebrates in our successes and our joys. And in that moment of despair and feeling so out of control God was there in my pain and sorrow and reminded me He was in control. The intuition He had given me as a mother to make yet another trip to the doctor, was the one that would be the one where the staff was attentive from the time I walked into the waiting room, to the front desk staff that notified the doctor to immediately call us back, to the paramedic who sang to my baby on the way to the hospital. He had heard my cries for help for healing and comfort my baby. Have you ever felt this way? Hopeless? Things were so out of your control that you knew that there was nothing more that you could do in your strength or power? This scripture has become a reminder for me in these times, "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. (Psalms 34:7-10)". I had to rely on Him in those times just as in many more trials as a mother that I will face. It doesn't mean that tough times won't come, but it is a reassurance that I won't have to face them alone. I encourage you today to look up! Your help is coming. Your cries are being heard. Be Blessed today. xoxo


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