This father’s day I did a bit more reflecting on how important Father’s Day is while I watched my daughter’s play and celebrate with their father and grandfather. Mother’s Day is one of the most celebrated holidays in our nation, and while father’s day doesn’t nearly get the amount of recognition as mother’s day, on this day after, I want to share some of my thoughts on why this particular father’s day was a bit more profound experience of love. In my own experience I grew up knowing my biological father but was raised by my mother and stepfather since I was two years old. While my biological father is no longer on this Earth, I thought about our relationship and it’s impact on my life as his daughter. Would my life be different, or my daughters lives if he was still on this Earth. I thought about whether my stepdad was fully aware of how much I was going to need him even more probably than some of the rest of my siblings. Why? Wouldn’t we all need the same amount of love and attention? Yes but in different ways. You see, my other siblings were boys, and I didn’t realize until I gave my life to Christ some years ago that some of my first relationships with men were impactful and telling,
especially the unhealthy ones. You see I was unaware that I was suffering from rejection. Rejection that I felt from my father. What seemed like an underlying feeling, or maybe a show of anger was more than that. It was me trying to find a way to express the pain and hurt of feeling like I wasn’t valued. Or that my life wasn’t important enough for his constant presence. I wondered if it shaped the way I thought about marriage or relationships in general. How deep did my negative feelings of worth go? I sat on Father’s day and stared at my four daughters knowing that I didn’t want the same for them. We may dream of being a mother and starting a family not even realizing that some of our most deep known or unknown wounds can carry over to the children we desire to have and impact. We may have told ourselves false narratives and maybe even made excuses for the pain, hurt, and anger that we felt. A father for a daughter is the first humanly figure that will show her how she is to be loved and adored. He will teach her how to set boundaries for herself. How to walk in confidence and value, and to value her heart. The most powerful thing I can say what a father does is confirms for his daughter that she won’t have to “go looking for love”. Better stated the word of God tells us that “He who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord (NIV).” That means that father’s of sons will teach them how to hunt and find. Father’s will teach their daughters how to position themselves. If you are a dad reading this, what type of posture and position are you teaching your daughter? Is it left to her mother to teach her? A daughter sees in her father the characteristics she desires to see in her husband. There is a saying that daughters marry their fathers. I didn’t believe this at first, but as I have seen my life transform and gained wisdom over the years I have to say I now see this comparison significantly. It was the provider my stepfather was that I admired, his love for family, his value of time with his kids, his stern yet valuable rules on me as his daughter dating, his covering and protection he provided. The same values I admire in my husband. A daughter needs to see the important and valuable things she desires in her husband that she would want for her future children to see, so that there will be a continuation of future healthy relationships. I pray that the value that we place on our daughter’s future relationships and marriages as apart of our generational lines will be just as important as other things we value in our lives. To all the Father’s, step-fathers, grandfathers, and father figures who have played the role in a daughter’s lives, I thank you today.